Touched

Today is Friday, February 27th. We went for my first ultrasound.

This is day 1 of week #8. Baby is suppose to be the size of a blueberry now.

Saw the little heart beating...at 162/minute. It's a touching scene. There's LIFE inside my tummy. I can't see anything on the outside yet, well, my stomach is a little bloated, but that's just from the gas, not the bun. I can't feel much yet...But...there's life inside!! A tiny heart is beating!!

This is an amazing feeling.

"...you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:13-14

How am I feeling?

How am I feeling? So far, I haven't felt much. I don't have much of an appetite and aches everywhere, and a little bloated. Other than that, I really don't have much complaints.

Have been doing a lot of reading on the internet, my biggest insight so far is, GOD does miracles. I am absolutely amazed as to how God knit this together. It's a true miracle. The tiny thing that started off the size of the 'point of an ball-point pen' is going to grow into a full human being? Pretty hard to warp my head around this concept!!

I've completed week 5 and unto week 6 now. According to some readings, baby's the size of a raisin now (about 1/10 of an inch, 1.5-3mm). Now, in that case, how come I feel my jeans are already tighter? Maybe it's just in my mind! But I feel I have to go shopping for new pants already :)

We are breaking the news to my parents and jF's b/s this weekend...my heart is already ponding just thinking about it!

The beginning of a million questions?

Today marks the new beginning of a milion questions I have in mind. All of a sudden it seems to be happening so quickly it seems unreal...Have you ever prayed for something you really wanted and then when God said "Yes", you say "is it for real"?

I don't know how to react yet...I have just about a million questions in my mind that I don't know where to begin. I pray to God for peace and joy. I pray that I will stay calm throughout....Not to get stressed, not to get worried about anything, because I know HE is in control.

Today, my biggest prayer is that God will provide hubby with a 'change' fast! ... well, ok, I should drop that "fast" word. I pray for it to happen in His Time!

For HE will make things beautiful in HIS time!

All tangled up

I'm having a lot of trouble gathering my thoughts and putting some logic to it. It's a painful process. Can I just run & hide? Cried my heart out and my eyes are like two boiled eggs...it hurts...my heart hurts too.

I can't talk about this anymore. I can't verbalize it when I'm sooo confused myself...my thoughts are not making sense. I feel no one can understand. How can others understand when I can't even comprehend? I don't want anyone to think I'm just thinking too much and stirring up a storm within myself for nothing...because it really hurts. If others think I'm just thinking something 多餘 it would hurt even more...so I guess I better not talk about it at all.

A strong voice is telling me I'm in the way...you guys could have had a much much more productive & fruitful session if it wasn't for me...I feel like I'm the "extra" that shouldn't have been there at all ... holding everyone up...It's not the first time...History is just repeating itself. I will never get better~that is a simple fact, coz I'm just dumb...maybe dumber than I thought...

Why me? There are so many others that are so much more talented than me. Why waste time? Why waste everyone's time? This is suppose to be joyful..but I'm feeling pain, not joy. WHY?

Why NOT me? I know you're going to ask this question...I don't know. Somehow I don't know if I'm ready to know...

I want to thank everyone for your kind words and comfort...I thank God especially for hubby's patience and prayers with me. I know the pressure if not from any of you.. you guys are all so sweet and patience with me....

Am I just being pushed down by the inner voice? Or is it God telling me this is a close door that I should stop banging my head against and leave the way for others?

I know it's how much I am willing to commit. But...what if I don't want to commit? Can I just serve in other places? Other places that's not as painful? I feel like I'm a little kid crying on the floor....

Yes I do want to glorify Him...but! aye... I don't know

All tangled up & frustrated~~

Get Moving! Day 28, keeping up with the pace

It has been quite a while since I last wrote. But hey! I am keeping up with the pace with my exercise gar!


Today is Day 28 of me moving and last week, I kinda reached a plateau, I'm not feeling the energy boost any more and I'm not sleeping well anymore... Over the weekend aC suggested that I take it up a notch, so this week I have been to 4 classes at the gym:

• Monday ~ Spinning
• Tuesday ~ Core Camp
• Wednesday ~ Flow Pilates
• Thursday ~ Boot Camp
• Friday (Today) ~ I'm DEAD with pain all over!!

hahaha....but I'm moving....and HEY! Here's what pL gave me for completing my first month! (My first "carrots")...Cool eh? Thx bud!

Thankful Easter Memories

I had a most thankful and fulfilling Easter this year! Alot of tears but they were all happy tears that I know God would treasure.

It all started with Thursday's choir practice. The songs for this week's worship (Fri & Sun) were difficult! Beautiful songs, but difficult! At first we were all worried about how it would go...when we thought we'd be staying and practicing forever God showed us His grace. We all enjoyed it alot! I really loved the voices of the brothers...you guys made the songs sound soooo beautiful!!

The fellowship retreat went just ggrrreeeaaatttt! We took over 1000+ pictures in that 24 hours, but I must say those were precious precious memories! I still can't believe we were able to come under-budget! God really provides! The place was just incredible, the weather was bright and b/s participation was amazing! God has spoke to each of us I think and we were all renewed and refreshed, both in relationship with God and in relationship with each other. I am still pondering on all that went on in that fruitful 24 hours. I really pray that our flame will continue and be spread to all the others.

The musical event touched so many of us. The production itself was great, but what really touched us was sT's dedication despite all the pain + obstacles and how we all prayed for her in unity, I think the event brought us together too, as we experienced this together with her as a family. I really thank God for the opportunity. Of course, aL and bF's performance added soooo much life to it!! Congrats everyone! Have your $ ready for all the lovely pics we took before we start blackmailing...just joking =)

pL's baptism was definitely the highlight of the weekend that touched us soooo much! Brother, you mean so much to the family and we are all sooooooooooo thankful & happy to see you grow and see your changes in the past 2 years. We thank God for the grace and letting us see His work. It's our blessing to be able to walk with you! Lo Lic! Keep it up! Now, remember, the choir is waiting for you!

On Monday I went to the One of A Kind show with jM. I really enjoyed spending the day with you girl.. and catch up on all the stuff we haven't talked for in months!! Congrats again! I still can't believe it! But I'm sooooo happy for you! You're in my prayers! Thank you for urging me to bring Moogie home...I'm starting to feel it's a girl...Hubby really likes her too! Unfortunately, she ended up on the floor this morning just as we expected. HA!

We had our first Women's Group last night. It was lovely as always! Support between sisters is always soooo sweet. I'm praying for a fruitful year as we continue to love & grow together!

The weekend was soooo full I'm soooo sleepy now though...I need another weekend to rest up!

Happy for YOU!!

Two good news happened this week! I'm very happy for two important friends of mine.

What I see? God will make a way, and He really prepares!

He knows our need and in time, He provides.

The way may have been difficult, but He will make a way, when there seems to be no way.

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

His gifts may come when you're least expecting it. But don't worry, all the necessary 配套 will somehow be ready and fall into place, because nothing happen "just because"...You may not have planned for it, but He did.

I went through a little road block this week, was a little disappointed. When I thought one door opens, it closed! why but these two news from J & P reminded me of the above lessons. So, let's not loose hope and only see the bad side of things. He has a plan!

Happy for you. You're in my prayers

Get Moving! Day 8, 9 & 10

This week has been quiet difficult. I feel like I'm coming down with a cold. I have been having this headache for a few days now, and this lump at the tip of my throat that I feel I'm going to start coughing soon.

I have been keeping up with the exercise and getting into the gym on time though, except today because I'm off work. Will do my run on the tread at home, I promise.

I have been doing pretty good at the gym, sticking faithful to the plan. I still don't see any difference in weight though. I'm suppose to be feeling better, hubby is saying I'm sleeping better at night, not tossing around as much. But because of the cold I'm not feeling 100% at all. Thankfully it has been a busy week at work so the week went by pretty quickly, although, with pain and stressful moments.

I have been really conscientious about what I eat too. I notice that I am usually under in my calories intake, but with too much carb, too little fat. I really like that website I'm using to keep track of stuff coz it gives you charts to easily show you where you are lacking / having too much. Of course, I'm not using it *everyday* ... I'm not that crazy yet, but whenever I get a chance to use it, it's an eye opener everytime. Those food labels on packages really does mean something. One thing that really shock me is how easy each of us can be 'over' in our sodium intake even if we are really careful! HA! Let's see why mom will accept that idea! If she buys into it, maybe she won't eat so much salty stuff and her bp would be under better control!! But, I know it's hard...