Your toddler at 15 month...

BBV is 15 months old today. Pampers sent me an email this morning with the subject line: "Your toddler at 15 month". My reaction was: my 'Toddler'? What do you mean by my "TODDLER"? He is still my BABY!!

It is truly amazing and scary how fast time has just flew by and I have a toddler now! I thank God for giving me the happy healthy baby and even though the more he learn the more 'naughty' he will be I'm sure…I am just sooo glad that I've taken this journey as a mom. So much I've learnt and so much more we know to depend on HIM, for it is HIM that gives LIFE and He is the only one in control!

A Toddler?! What do I do with a toddler? So much to ponder about!

Day 3: Already a challenge...

This morning was tough! We had a wonderful dinner last night..had way too much food and both me & Allen were like on sleepy pills even before we got home!! Went to bed earlier than usual but still, this morning I sooooooo wanted to stay in bed. But somehow I still pulled myself up for my morning exercise…knowing that I'm going to be writing actually provided a good motivation.. Haha, so that my journal don't record 'failed' just on the 2nd trial day…hahaha…I felt good after the exercise and reading :)

Just purchased a 10-classes pass for Hot Yoga for $19 today…not a bad price to try out something new eh? I wonder if I will like it or not...Crazy deals on the internet these days…loving them! :)

There will be a small snowstorm tonight, and we are meeting a friend for dinner...Hopefully the drive won't be bad...

Day 2: On the tread...

So today is day#2. I had a very quiet afternoon and night last night thanks to hubby who took complete care of BBV and let me (forced me to) rest. It was good rest…not just sleeping-rest. I made plans in my head about what I can do, about my routines, time to serve, time with God, time for exercise ..and of course, also ran through my head what needs to be done this week, both at work and at home….

One of the first thing I wanted to tackle is this exercising thing. Doctor(s) keep on saying I don't have enough "hei" (air), and thus my weak body and immune. There are soups/food they suggested but ultimately it's exercising. Of course hubby jumps on it coz that proves what he has always been nagging me about. So what can I do and when can I fit it in? I tried to do it this morning, that is, at 6am! The alarm was set at 545am but I just couldn't get up…but I did manage to be on the treadmill by 6am and did 25 minutes on it. I also started reading a book on prayers while walking on the tread…

Guess it's not a bad start eh?

Today is also hubby's birthday..>> Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to B-Bo, Happy Birthday to you! ^.^

It has been so long...

It has been the longest while since the last time I was here…and as I logged in, wow! Really? It has been THAT long? wow! What have happened??

Life has been busy for sure since BBV's arrival. I'm not complaining at all, it has been all good and full of blessings...but have also throw ALOT of my "wanted-to-be" routines out the window...from exercising to, embarrassed to say, to prayers and time with God.

Anyways...trying to pick up writing again, more to myself than anyone...see if it will help me organize my thoughts and life...trying to get discipline again on many facet of life...

Not telling the whole world about it (me trying to get back into many of the "wanna be" routines) yet …maybe I'm afraid to set up expectations and fail…or is that lack of self-confidence or, even being little faith? If you happen to be reading this, pray for me.

Let's see how it goes… :)

Becoming a nobody...

No one remembered my birthday this year. Ok, to be fair, I can't say NO ONE...coz there are many who did; and I am Thankful for them. And yes, for the record, hubby did remember.

But there are a FEW *significant* ones who I expected some 'action' from, didn't. No phone call, no email, not even a Facebook Birthday message. Yes, not even a text message, and of course, no cake.

I guess they just forgot.

It has been over two weeks now and I'm still deeply deeply hurt. I am very surprised as to how much it affected me this year. I guess I'm ULTRA sensitive because it's my first year as a mom and somehow this is proving the scare that once you have the baby you become NOBODY because people cares more about your baby than you. I hate to feel this way. To be jealous of my own precious baby? Seems to be such a selfish thought.

But I am hurt. I am very surprised by how much my emotions were affected this past two weeks. I have cried and cried and questioned myself about the relationships with a few people. Those few that I thought were really close and would really care didn't show a sign AT ALL! Why? I ask? Why are they so mean? Why do I always celebrate their birthdays and always go the miles to arrange for a cake and spend time on finding the right gifts and no, I didn't get a cake this year from anyone...not any, not even a single cupcake.

I hate to feel this way but I'm in a real emotional slump. I can't get myself out! Everytime I think about it tears are coming down and I feel utmost silly and stupid! Hubby suggests me to bring it up and talk to them about it, so they know how much I care and how much I'm hurt. But I don't want to. This seems to be too silly! I worry that if I tell them, then next year they will make a big thing out of my birthday but I won't appreciate it because I will think they are just doing to it because I've said something this year...which then will make it so meaningless. So the more I think about it the more I'm in the slump and the more I want to retract and not see/interact with them and the more emotions I get.

Hate this state! I can only admit to myself and hubby and God that I'm hurt! Deeply hurt and this is leaving such a scar I feel sooooooo sooooo too stupid about. But I can't help it! Words cannot explain how hurt I am feeling and how lonely I'm feeling. As I'm writing this my tears are rolling down non-stop. Am I expecting too much? Is it an unreasonable expectation? Maybe they are not really that significant as I think? (or I should say, maybe "I" am not as significant as I think in the relationship)... but we've went through soooo much together! How can they be sooo mean?!?!?!?

Ok, maybe they don't see birthdays as being as important as I see it. Very well then, why should I celebrate their brithdays then? Should I stop celebrating their birthdays as well?

To add to the scar, I've just been invited to participate in a birthday surprise for another person. I can't do it! I can't face the group knowing that they are doing a birthday yet for another person but no one remembered mine. Hate this feeling hate this feeling hate this feeling! Am I becoming a selfish bad person now?

It had even put a grey cloud over my head as I planned my BBV's BIG ONE birthday party. I am the mom and yes I am totally happy about his birthday party...but it was soooooo hard facing that few people, accepting their help with the party when part of me didn't even want to see anyone!

Hate this feeling hate this feeling hate this feeling!!! and yes, I'm totally shocked at myself for how much I'm being affected by it this year. What to do? Well, I guess there's nothing to do....

1st Load of Laundry

Finally pull out all the baby clothes and did our 1st load of laundry today. It's getting real now...although the tiny little clothes are soooo toy-like it's still like a "play-pretend"....

They all seem sooooo cute. I wonder if I will still find them cute after my 100th load ;)

At least I'm enjoying it now! :)

1st day of mE tImE!

Today's my first day of mE tImE...I wonder how many days I will have till Blueberry made his/her grand entrance.

Today was a nice and relaxing day I slept with Linda, Betty & Amy. Watching their 4 babies..each having their own character and all growing so fast!! TOO Fast almost! Makes me wonder...How will Blueberry be like? Will I be able to handle it all?

My mind's not ready for anything beyond D-Day...I'm still wondering what will that first sign be? When & how and where will it happen??

A brother told me to pray for the "right" time. Yes, that's what I will do...praying that God will just make it happen when HE thinks Blueberry is ready, when HE thinks it's the best time for Blueberry's arrival!

The Storm - April 25, 2009

A sudden storm on a sunny, hot Saturday afternoon.

After a Super Sunny morning in Waterloo, after hubby's karting session. We were just strolling in Fairview, completing our Baby Registry to activate the gift cards we got from the Baby Show... meanwhile, the storm hit.

Fast and furious.

Three houses away from ours -- a big, I mean BIG branch of a tree got knocked down, most of the street was blocked by it. We were shocked to see the scene. Most of the neighbourhood went without power. 6 poles at Kennedy/Finch were knocked down, the intersection is still closed today.

As recorded on Toronto Star:
100-km/h winds down hydro wires and cause blackouts for thousands

Yesterday's beach weather ended abruptly when a severe thunderstorm pummelled the city, tearing down hydro lines and leaving thousands of homes in the dark.

A sudden change from a balmy 26C to a furious downpour happened about 5 p.m. and left the city's emergency services scrambling.

One man was rushed to Sunnybrook hospital with serious head injuries after a flying 20-kilogram sign, ripped loose by the storm's 100-km/h gusts, struck him near Kennedy Rd. and Sheppard Ave. E.
An EMS official said the strong winds caused dozens of injuries across the city, blowing cyclists off their bikes and knocking over pedestrians.

On Lake Ontario, the police marine unit rescued several stranded people after the winds overturned sailboats and a kayak. No injuries were reported.

Toronto firefighters responded to more than 35 cases of downed electrical wires during the storm.
The worst outages were in Scarborough and Etobicoke, where several thousand homes and businesses were without power.

As recorded on CP24:

Thousands without power after storm, clean up begins

Summer like temperatures gave way to brief but furious storms on Saturday that knocked out power to thousands in the GTA and across the province.
There's head turning damage in parts of the city as Toronto Hydro crews tackle the big job of replacing utility poles that were toppled by the strong winds yesterday.

Finch and Kennedy Avenues was one area that was hard hit with six poles broken. Another half dozen were knocked down on Midland Avenue near St. Clair Avenue.

Toronto hydro says the parts of Etobicoke, North York and Scarborough were hardest hit with power problems. Up to 10,000 customers were without power in the city last night. On Sunday morning the figure is near 1,500.

Power was also knocked out in other parts of the GTA, including Vaughan and Markham.
The storms that ripped across the GTA caused damaged in other parts of the province as well.
A farm in Breslau, east of Kitchener, was heavily damaged by the powerful winds. Luckily no one was injured and 15 horses in a barn were not harmed. The storm did damage equipment needed by the family for spring planting.
Near Sarnia, a 15-year-old girl was lucky to escape serious injury when she was struck by lightning. It happened as she was leading two horses to shelter from the storm.
Eastern Ontario was also slammed by the storm. About 10,000 customers lost power in Ottawa. Fourteen private planes were damaged or destroyed at Ottawa's Rockcliffe Flying Club as the wind flipped several of them over.

AND...

4900 Yonge Street sustained severe damage to the roof structure as a result of the storm. The roof of the south west corner was lifted and flipped over. In the process, ripped all the stacks for the boilers, roof drain, domestic hot water and crashed on the cooling tower. The building's cooling and heating system were badly damaged. The building will be closed tomorrow.

By the time we left the mall, it was only drizzling light rain.

God kept us safe & sound, without us even knowing.

And...I'm off work tomorrow. 4900 is my office building.